Rubbish Hotels

The Rubbies · Inaugural Year

The Rubbies

Each January this office recognises the year's outstanding achievements in hospitality disappointment. There is no ceremony, no red carpet and no acceptance speech, because none of the winners will come. Nominations are open now.

Boldest Breakfast Crime

For sustained ambition in the field of the buffet.

Most Fictional Photography

Awarded to the listing furthest from its room.

The Phantom Charge of the Year

For a line item of genuinely mysterious origin.

Outstanding Achievement in Plumbing

Water, in the wrong place, with conviction.

The Lift Award

For the longest continuous period of arriving shortly.

Best Performance by a Front Desk

For a management decision of remarkable confidence.

The Lifetime Disservice Award

For a property that has never once tried.

Nominations

Put an establishment forward

Nominations come from the Wall of Shame. Submit your stay, tell us which category it belongs in, and the judging panel — which is to say this office, in January, with a drink — will consider it.

Nominate a stay

The Rubbies are satire. Awards are opinions, conferred without ceremony and accepted by nobody.